Show Her You Can Dance Chap 4

Show Her You Can Dance
Chapter 4

While Shepard was in one of the many meetings with the Illusive Man, Joker was left to his own devices on the bridge. With no destination from the commander that meant he had nothing really to do other than go over a few maintenance reports or sift through the extranet. The latter got him trouble a few times thanks for a few minor glitches. But lately he found himself just sitting back and staring out into space. The commander was spending more time in the cockpit than anywhere else when she was onboard, not that he minded. It was just strange to him. On the old Normandy she came up to see him, but it wasn't as frequent, nor as casually. While she cracked the occasional joke or indulged about what he knew of the current scuttlebutt, Shepard kept things as professional as possible. Hell, even their arguments weren't as heated as the last one was.

After the Normandy SR-2's maiden flight around the system were completed, he wasn't surprised when she showed up. He could tell she was just as excited about the ship as he was. Well, almost as excited, but that was besides the point. She told him to enjoy the new comforts of the design, despite the nosy AI that resided next to him. It wasn't until she said "civilian ship" that he noticed the sly grin in her voice. There was some kind of hidden lock that held her in place, and the Normandy was the key to unlocking that, setting her free of restraints. Of course, her sarcasm had to throw in the bit about pants, but that was just Shepard being Shepard.

Even though Joker liked this more open side to his commanding officer, he couldn't help but wonder where this was going. She had said that he was her best friend when she shared stories about her sister with him. She didn't cringe or shy away when he showed concern or even mild affection towards her, although she did show some embarrassment when she inadvertently showed some of her own. Was there something there that she felt? Joker shook his head, clearing that thought out of his mind.

Of course there's nothing there. She sees you as a friend and her pilot, nothing more. Besides, you're about as bound to this chair as it gets. Long walks in the park are kind of out of the question.

...She's never held that against me. Jenna's never struck me as the walk in the park kind of girl anyway. But then again, she never struck me as the dancing type either, but she proved us all wrong with that one. And I can walk well enough now. Hell, throw on the braces and I can go for a few hours.

Doesn't matter. No matter what you want, you'll always hold back because it's your fault she died. You had to stay and try to save a dying ship instead of getting out forcing her to come back for you.

Joker cringed at his self monologue. Although they weren't as frequent as they used to be, the nightmares of watching the SSV Normandy fall apart still lingered. Shepard woke him up from his last one, but misinterpreted his mumbling her name associating it with a more pleasant dream. The fact that it perked her curiosity twisted a knot in his stomach. How could he tell her that those weren't sweet dreams, but vivid nightmares replaying her death over and over? How could he tell her that he held himself responsible?

He couldn't. It was that fact that he resigned herself to just being her friend. The one to be there when everyone else wasn't.

Shepard's voice cut into his thoughts. "Joker, set a course for Horizon. Get us there as soon as possible. I've got to go see the Professor." There was something in her voice that didn't sit well with him. It was hardened and cold. Joker heard this tone once before and the circumstances that led to it came from Virmire.

"Aye, aye, Commander. ETA about 75 minutes."

Jenna adjusted her gloves as they approached the planet. Her features betrayed nothing to tip Joker off to what was wrong. His only intel so far was that Horizon went silent, but that didn't explain why her demeanor turned so cold.

"Commander..." he started.

"Ashley is on Horizon," she said flatly, cutting his question. "Have Garrus and Miranda meet me at the shuttle."

Joker was going to say something to her, but Shepard gave him an impassive look that shook him. This wasn't the carefree Shepard he was looking at anymore. She was a soldier first and foremost and that look reminded him of that fact. Joker nodded his acknowledgement and watched her leave.

Once the ground team was away Joker brought up the monitoring systems. He scowled when the screens came up fuzzed, blinking on and off. "Commander, we're getting a lot of interference! We can't maintain a signal." The monitors went completely dark. "Shepard?" When he got no response Joker made no effort to conceal his frustrations. He looked up at the blank screens with worry written in his eyes. The whole situation brought back memories of Virmire; memories that he wished stayed locked in the back of his mind forever, but they wormed their way back in.

Pure panic. It was the only appropriate word that could describe Shepard's voice. She left Alenko with the nuke to go after Williams, but as soon as she was close enough, the Geth dropped on the bomb site. She was closer to Williams' position at the AA towers, but the choice weighed heavily on her mind.

"Commander, there isn't time! Go get Williams and get the hell out of here!" Alenko pleaded with her.

"No! No one gets left behind. Bunker down and protect that nuke. I'll..." There was a series of beeps that fired off in her ear. The countdown had started. Jenna's eyes went wide. "What the hell are you doing, Alenko?!"

"Making sure this thing goes off, ma'am. It's done."

"Joker, can we get them both out in time?!"

The pilot winced before giving his answer. "Negative, Commander."

"Commander, you're closer to Ashley. Getting her gives you more time to get out!"

Shepard tightened her jaw. "Kaidan, just bunker down. I'll be back for you as soon as..."

The Lieutenant's soft laugh cut her off. "We both know that's not going to happen, ma'am."

"...I'm sorry..."

Shepard just stared out the viewport. It seemed like she was devoid of all emotion. Joker was almost afraid to say anything, but he had to break the silence. "Commander, I know it couldn't have been easy for you down there. Making the call between Alenko and Williams must have been..." His words trailed off when she glanced over at him. "I-I'm sorry, ma'am. I just don't know if I could have done it."

Jenna's eyes dropped down for a moment, looking as if she were trying to chose her words carefully. "Pray that you never have to. There is no right choice for something like that."

"I'm not blaming you, Commander. I mean, I'm just...it's hard you know?"

Joker shook his head hard to clear that memory. That day was classified as one of the the worst points in his career as a pilot and he didn't want to remember it. As if to help purge his thoughts, a crackle came through the comm.

"-andy. Nor-. Normandy, do you copy?"

The pilot gave a sigh of relief. "Joker here! Signals weak, but we've got you, Commander!"  Shepard wasted no time in issuing orders to EDI and neutralizing whatever threat come to stop them from getting the defense towers online. When the Collector ship took off, he was about to ask if she was ready to come back when a voice he hadn't heard in years cut him off.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel." Ashley turned to the mechanic and placed an annoyed hand on her hip. "You're in the presence of a god, Delan." She turned back to Shepard. "Back from the dead." Jenna ignored the rambling of the mechanic and just stared at Ashley. She looked older, like she'd been carrying the weight of the universe on her shoulders. But more to the point at hand, she looked...upset.

Ashley walked up to her former commander with a half-smile and stuck out her hand. Shepard took it gladly and was about to pull Ashley into a hug until she spouted out her words. "I thought you were dead. We all did."

Thought? But I... Shepard stepped back from her. "You don't sound too happy to see me. Something wrong?"

Williams' glare made Jenna cringe inside, but she didn't let it show. "You're damn right something's wrong! You show up after two years and act like nothing has happened! I would have followed you anywhere, commander. Why didn't you let me know you were alive?!"

"Ash, I've been gone for two years. You've moved on with your life and your career. I didn't want to open old wounds."

"Open old wounds? What makes you think they were healed to begin with?!" She glanced at Garrus for a moment before going back to Shepard. "I tried to move on, but here you are, pulling me back in again. And then the reports that you were working for Cerberus."

"Reports? You mean you already knew?" Garrus cut in.

Joker sucked in a sharp breath as he listened in. Ashley wasn't giving Shepard a chance to explain, and when she did get a word in it was ignored. He was amazed at how Jenna was able to restrain herself until Williams made the one fatal mistake: she accused Shepard of being a traitor. That accusation made both Shepard and Joker go wide-eyed.

"You think I'm doing this by choice?!" Shepard growled. "Ashley, I didn't fake my death, I died that day. Can you imagine what it felt like to feel yourself struggle for breath in the black of space and then waking up in a sterile white room with strangers looking over you?! I..." Jenna forced her eyes shut for a minute and gave a heavy sigh. "I tried to find you when I was able but everywhere I turned I hit a brick wall. I needed people I knew and who knew me. You saw it yourself, the Collectors are real and I needed a team I could trust. They're targeting human colonies and working for the reapers."

Ashley's next words hit Shepard like a bullet to the heart. It took everything she had to keep from losing what composure she had left. "I'd like to believe you, Commander, but I don't trust Cerberus. It worries me that you do." She started to step back from Shepard, their eyes still locked. "I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood. I have to report this back to the Citadel."

Shepard scoffed, hiding her feelings behind sarcasm. "Good luck with that. We both know how that'll turn out. They'll just stuff their heads up their asses and pretend this whole thing doesn't exist."

"Maybe, but with good reason. Cerberus can't be trusted." Ashely looked away for a second. "Just...So long, commander. Good luck."

There was a long moment of silence as Shepard stood there, staring at the empty space that Ashley occupied just a moment before. "Shepard," Garrus started, reaching out for her.

Jenna snapped her attention to him. "Garrus, don't." She tapped her comm unit and snapped into it. "Joker, send a shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony." Her voice cracked at the end, betraying her feelings for a brief moment. The stoic commander shell she held was starting to crack, but she had to hold it together. There was no choice in the matter; Jenna Shepard was a hardened soldier, not a simpering pup. At least that's what she kept telling herself.